I just hate how I’ve become this numb and just gave up on caring about anything or hoping for anything. It’s like I’ve been hiding these emotions from myself. But you gotta believe that it was not my intention for this to happen; it just grabs you while you’re not looking. And now I’ve decided that I have to end it. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time.
She said: “You don’t deserve it”. I just sighed and thought, no one really deserves anything. Just because you deserve something doesn’t mean you’ll get it, and just because you get something doesn’t mean you deserve it. So you gotta get it yourself. I’ve always tried my best to be nice to everyone and help people when they ask me to even if I know they’re gonna make fun of me behind my back.
But I see now that there are times when you just gotta do what’s best for yourself. And even if you’re friends who have a great time together and love each other you have to let it go, if it’s not good for you. You have this person who loves you but they’re turning you into someone you don’t want to be. Like they’re pushing you in a wrong direction. And you have to destroy it before it destroys you.
Please don’t take this personally. Because at least once or twice a year I have to break everything and start anew just to get back on my course. This is a big big year for me. It is spring and these winds are bringing the change I need. It’s a good month, May, after all.
Maybe we’ll meet again someday, when I’m ready, and when I reach my final destination. Or not.
Until then, bye, my friend.
*sigh* Tam. X